It's A War Outside

It's a war outside of me

Yet I feel like I'm fighting a war within 

Set me free but freedom ain't free

Black is beautiful yet we had to relearn our purpose 

Beneath the surface of pain and resilience 

We had to fight for basic human rights 

Humanity for the human race 

It's really a fucking disgrace

For us to have to debate for dignity to exist in a place that was never built for us but built on the backs of our ancestors 

I promise they ain't please 

Yet I beg you please 

Release this war within me

There's a war outside 

The fear of my own silence is loud 

Louder than the way my soul has cried 

You have to die everyday just to feel alive 

Divine Spirit and my ancestors souls cry 

I am high yet I feel so low 

They go lower and we go higher 

Some of us are oblivious to the calling 

Oppressed in a nation with no real calling 

What a disgrace to live in a nation with no grace 

Distasteful and derogatory tactics 

Hateful antics 

Policies with no means to end this war outside 

I'm deeply impacted my throat Chakra is active yet inactive 

I have enough energy to disburse the words from my heart to my brain so eloquently 

Grateful for my Creativity

The Creator created me just like he created the enemy 

Yet they still don't see me pass the first layer of my skin 

It's like being black is a sin

Being powerful and overcoming the very thing sent to destroy us 

Gave birth to the versions of us who are enraged with a mouthful of  "What the fucks?" 

Knowing that they never gave a fuck about our Humanity as black people 

Such is a time like this when "They" realize their lives don't mean shit in the new land of Trumps Dictatorship 

When they have been killing us for free for fun for nothing less then because they knew they could get away with it

Now all lives matter when Black people's lives never did

Yet I'm still fighting a war outside for crimes of dehumanization I didn't commit

How do you quit a job you never signed up for?

End a war that was never yours 

There's a war outside all of our doors 

I am sitting somewhere between conviction and depiction 

Scream and pray 

Burn it all to hell while pouring from an empty well to continue to love, be light and pour life into the lives I created 

How do I continue to fight a battle that started before I was born?

From decades of ancestors who had to endure hatred for way to long

There is no more songs or variations to sing we are strong 

My soul feels weary 

Every time I hear, see or read the news 

The I.C.E is deforsted on top of the inhumane evil ass mountain 

I am numb to the history I was taught about our people 

Defeated by the war outside 

Tears in my eyes cuz sometimes my tears are tired 

My emotions exploded and I'm back in a war within myself 

When the war was never minds 

It's a war outside 

From Then to Now: A Return to Becoming

The last time I wrote here was 2017.

That feels like a lifetime ago.

Back then, I was navigating life from a very different place—one rooted more in survival than softness, more in doing than becoming. I was showing up the best way I knew how at the time, even when I didn’t yet have the language for what I was feeling or the courage to fully honor my inner voice.

Since then, life has happened.

Not in neat chapters.

Not in ways I could have planned or predicted.

Just… life.

There were seasons that stretched me, seasons that humbled me, and seasons that required me to sit still when all I wanted to do was push forward. I learned what it meant to lose parts of myself—and what it takes to gently, intentionally call them back home.

In the years between then and now, I’ve learned that growth isn’t always loud. Healing doesn’t always announce itself. And faith doesn’t mean certainty—it means trust, even when clarity hasn’t arrived yet.

I’ve unlearned a lot.

I’ve unlearned the need to explain myself.

I’ve unlearned the belief that rest is something you earn.

I’ve unlearned the habit of dimming my light to keep others comfortable.

And I’m still unlearning.

What I know now is this: becoming is not a destination. It’s a daily decision.

A decision to choose alignment over approval.

To choose softness without guilt.

To choose authenticity, even when it costs you familiarity.

Faith has looked different in this season, too. Less about perfection. More about surrender. Less about having all the answers. More about trusting that God meets me exactly where I am—unfinished, evolving, human.

I didn’t stop writing because I had nothing to say.

I stopped because I was listening.

Listening to what my soul needed.

Listening to what no longer fit.

Listening to who I was becoming beneath the noise.

Now, I’m returning to this space not as the woman I was in 2017—but as the woman shaped by everything that followed. Wiser. Softer. More grounded. Still becoming.

This blog is no longer about performance or polish.

It’s about presence.

It’s about truth.

It’s about faith, authenticity, and becoming—over and over again.

If you’re reading this and you’re in a season of transition, reflection, or quiet rebuilding, know this: you don’t have to have it all figured out to begin again.

Neither did I.

I’m here now.

And this is just the beginning—again.

With grace,

Hadiyah Adrianne

Being Thankful

I am just Thankful!!

Lately, I have found myself being more and more thankful for the little things and the big things. It's so much going on in the world and it's so many distractions from the things that are truly important in our lives. We sometimes get caught up in the things that are not going right that we take away from the things that Are!! Take time to reflect on how far you have come in life. Look back on those times that you didn't have what you wanted or what you needed. Now, you have both. Remember the things that you prayed for more than often and now you have them. And if if you do not have them, maybe you are not ready to receive them. God already has worked things out for us but we sometimes worry ourselves when things don't happen when we think they should. Just know God's timing is perfect. Be thankful for all that you have experienced. All that you learned over the years in your life. Never stop being Thankful. God didn't have to do it but He did. I try to spend less time complaining and more time being Thankful. Is it hard? Yes! I didn't say it was easy. We have to train our minds and our thoughts to always be positive and not to just think about ourselves. It will always be someone in the world who has it much much worst than we think we do. Try thinking of that when you feel like you're  about to complain. I try to spend some of my time in silence and reflecting. Constantly reminding myself how far I have come and how much further I have to go. I am not perfect, I promise you I am human and I make mistakes. However, I do my best to learn from them. I surround myself with ppl who are on a journey to be the best version of themselves. We all want to be great and live in our fullest potential. Just remember to be thankful. We always pray to God, asking for something. Let's pray to God and just say "thank you". Thank you for blessings me even when I felt I didn't deserve it. Thank you for helping me push through when I felt like giving up. Thank you for making me smile when I wanted to cry. Thank you for surrounding me with love and favor. Thank you for allowing me to breath and to be healthy. Just Thank You! Live everyday being Thankful for the little and the big blessings in your life. Being Thankful can take you to a deeper spiritual place in the deptb of your soul.

Be blessed! Be Inspired! Be Encouraged! Be Thankful!

-Sending love and light to you all ❤

Approaching 30...What is my purpose/passion in life?

My 30th birthday is less than a month a way. Lately I have found myself doing a lot of reflecting and evaluating my life overall. I have thought about the past and what I have experienced. The present and the future. I have been blessed beyond my measures. I am grateful, thoughtful and appreciative for all God has done and is doing in my life. However, one thing that has been on my mind more than anything is "what my purpose/passion in life is?" There are many things that I can be great at yet, I am just unsure of what my purpose is. I am happy overall with my life however, I feel like knowing my purpose would be the cherry on top. I have career goals that i am interested in such as Pharamacy Technician and Physical Therapy but they are not my passion and I don't feel like they are my purpose. As I head into the next chapter in  life I want to become more disciplined in my actions and more focused and determined on my goals. I want to find my passion and purpose in life. I want to wake-up everyday knowing that I am living not only  as a mother, a daughter, sister, cousin, friend, auntie ect. But that I know my purpose and passion in life. It's so important to me to find out what it is. I know my 30's will be filled with more love, more happiness, more loving friends and family, more memories and more blessings. I want to enter this age pure as possible in my mind body and spirit. I want to fully connect with the truest depth of myself and emerge fully in my purpose. I am welcoming my 30's with open arms and trusting that God will help reveal what my purpose and passion are in this life. 30 is a new beginning and a new chapter of growth.

Late Night Thoughts Turned Into A Prayer

     As I lay here in my bed holding my 10 month old daughter with my life partner snoring...I begin to pray. I pray for myself, my children, my life partner, my family and closes friends, my partners family. I realize that I am much more spiritual then I give myself credit for. As I have gotten older in age, I find myself praying more. I still worry a bit, I'm human lol.  However, prayer has become something that I do more than often. I have always had a relationship with God. I remember being afraid to talk to God at a point in my life.I feared He did not hear me and I was unsure what to pray for. As I begin to experience life on numerous level that fear become less of fear and more of faith. God is real. God is "The Most High". God is...just God. I have never been so sure about the presence of God in my life as much as I do now. I find myself being much more thankful and grateful about the big and small things in life. Life is not promised. You have to do your absolute best to enjoy every aspect of your life. Even though I continue to struggle with my own insecurities, I pray that I find my truest, most honest and pure purpose before I leave this earth. I am forever growing and learning the truest parts of me, good and bad. I am discovering things about myself that I  was never  able to understand until now. I not only want to make myself proud but most importantly, I want to make God proud. I want to do what God sent me here to do. I want my relationship with God to continue to grow and mature. I want prayer to become more and more of a daily behavior. God did not have to show me that He was real but He did. For that, a I am beyond thankful and eternally grateful. I owe it all to God. If there was ever a doubt that God is real, I am living proof that God will show up, show out and reveal a lot of things to you. Even when you don't feel like you are worthy enough, God will show you otherwise. You just have to believe and have faith. I say all this to say...that God is working on me. He is doing some serious work and I am open to all the trials and blessings that are forthcoming. God bless you and goodnight!

Love You before loving someone Else

I recently went to a Kindred The Family Soul concert. During the concert Aja (the wife) starting talking to the audience about loving yourself "First"  before you try to love someone else. Aja also stated that marriage isn't easy. It requires all of you and your time. She said that her marriage is 24hrs/365 days of the year kind of work. It's far from perfect but it's working for her and Fatin (the husband ). She continued to say that she is grateful to be an inspiration to others however, what works for her marriage may not work for others. This is why I love Kindred the Family Soul. They are honest people. They are so humble. That message she gave was exactly what I needed to hear.  Sometimes you can spend so much time trying to love somebody else that you forget about loving yourself. If you are not happy with being alone and just loving yourself, how can you love and make someone else happy?? As a women we want the ideal relationship with the man of our dreams but reality is, that ideal man doesn't really exist. No man is perfect and no women is perfect. You just have to find someone who is worth the experience, growth, ups and downs ect. There is someone for everyone.

What Love Means To Me...

What love means to me...
When I picture my life with my soul mate/life partner I see a handsome man. I see a nice house, car, a few children. I see us both in our careers and we are very happy. However, there is a flip side to that. I do not necessarily have to be with a man because that's what society potrays.I am very open about my sexuality. Does that make me a lesbian?? No, it makes me aware of my likes and dislikes. I am a strong believer of "Never Say Never". You cannot help who and what you are attracted to. We all have an energy that connects one person to another for whatever reason. Sometimes it's worth exploring and sometimes it's not. In the end be with whom ever makes you happy. It's not always about the gender of the person, race, color,  social class status, financial status ect. It should be solely based on your connection with that person. It's also about how happy you are to be in the presences of the one you admire, adore & love. I never veiw love as beneficial. I always veiw it as free, honest, friendly, and forever growing. Love has no color or any of those things I mentioned. Though it is an action word. Love has always been free. Give love because you have it to give. Not because you want to benefit from what you have given. I love hard & I love very deeply. I have a free spirit. I am unlike any other human being. I am me. I see things in others that they may not see in themselves. I sense others needs just by looking in there face. However, as I have experienced failed relationships & friendship, I am aware of all that I could have done differently. I am aware that some people are just solely meant for you to experience, grow from and move on. As I get older, I become less unapologetic about who I am and who I am going to be. Love has always been the filter in my life. I love me, but not as much as I love to love others. My love comes from giving to others. Sometimes I give too much and I surely have a hard time receiving love. I have much more to learn and a lot more to experience so that I can continue to grow. I am love and love is me. What does love mean to you??